Ever gone riding on a whirlwind?

poesypluspolemics.com

Ah, where does time fly? Here I am, writing on the last day of August to meet my goal of posting once a month! Because I am in a time crunch, I’ve let this post get more informal (were my posts ever formal, anyway?) or more longwinded — you could say — more like me. *Ahem*

Well, I just want to share what God has been teaching me these days. Let me tell you, it hasn’t been very “fun” (but fun is a relative word, and we’re not placed in this world for the particular reason to have “fun”). 

You see, I have the habit of helping myself; and these past few months, God seems to have taken up the task to teach me that if He is to help me, I can’t have my own way of helping myself. I have to trust Him, go His way, and be content with whatever turn He wants to take at the cross roads. Of course, I know that His way is the best; but, still, I have that habit.

 I don’t know where I got that habit. Perhaps I got it through my years of being independent in — practically everything.

I was in control of my schooling. Deadlines? I set them. Exams? I graded them myself. Stuck on an essay? Too bad. Since you are an independent homeschooler, you’ve got to find out a way to do it yourself.

I taught myself to play the keyboard. Don’t know how to get that part right? Well, try it a ten times (more like 90 times) until it sounds right.

A tough responsibility? Keep on if you’re too proud to ask for help.

So . . . I am not saying this is a good habit. Not at all. 

Especially when I am in need help.

I’m the kind of person you can meet in the kitchen, and ask, “Need help?”

Answer-in-my-head: You may cook the whole meal, thank you. If I’m going to do the cooking, you can wash the dishes and sweep the floor.

Or the kind of person you meet in a housecleaning and you say, “Oooh, the house is messy.”

Answer-in-my-head: I would greatly appreciate it if you stop commenting on everything. If you want to help, take the clothes on floor and put them in the washing machine, but don’t touch these pillowcases I’m working on.

I’m sorry for being so blunt.

The truth is, I liked being independent and in control of everything. 

I tried that with college. (Small hint: Applying to a college and transferring in 72 credits from 5 different places might . . . present a little difficulty in the process).

My plan: Get enough credits to transfer. Order the transcripts. Choose the courses. Order the books. Start classes.

Um. No. 

Practically everything went wrong. Here is a 5-pointer glimpse of the chaos I was in.

1. I applied. Surprise, surprise. You are an international student, you need to take the TOEFL exam.

Queue: E-mails flying back and forth between me and my CP coach, me and the application office, me and my high school office.

1. I sent in my transcripts. Four credits didn’t transfer.

Queue: Dozens of e-mails hurled across the globe between me and my CP coach, me and the application office, me and my credit-awarding college.

1. So I need a couple more credits. I work with the sweat on my brow and get four more credits in 2 weeks. Pay some more money to get that transcript sent.
2. Transcripts flying back and forth. One gets stuck somewhere. “Look here, Miss. You should have done Western Civilizations 1. Why did you do Western Civilizations 2?”

Umm. Because that book got lost on the way from America to Nepal.

Queue: More e-mails shooting back and forth between . . . you know.

Now, may I start my college classes?

1. “Uh-huh. Look here, Miss. You didn’t order the main course book for PHSC 210. Why?”

Whaat? I had ordered my books way before I was supposed to. I looked in MBS direct, and —

“I thought so. You ordered your books way before you were supposed to. You see, the book was just hitting the press then.”

It was stressful, yes. However, I will not exchange that experience for any other in the world. 

I was trying to orchestrate my own life, and I meant to do that perfectly. God had other plans, though: He took me to ride on a whirlwind. When my perfectionist character tried to take over the controls, He put a little twist in it, and let me face the rock wall. Then, every time I felt that I’d reached a dead end, He came up with a beautiful way out. It was a breathtaking ride, a whirl of a ride.

Still, I am quite surprised when I think back . . . that I actually felt secure even when everything was whirling around at 857 km/hr. I felt secure because I knew that all that was happening was outside my control. It had nothing to do with me — I wasn’t guilty for all that mess. 

Even now, that Geology book hasn’t arrived yet. I don’t even know where it is. But because God is in control, I can rest . . . knowing that God is going to work if it is His will. If His will is otherwise, I’ll just fall behind in that class for a while, crash study, and have swollen eyes due to lack of sleep for a couple of weeks. Or He might have other plans. Whichever way, I’m content.

So here I end this amazingly rambling post. Reaching exactly, with these last words, a total of 962 words (I don’t know if the list numbers are counted — uh-oh, that makes a total of 973 words).

Ordinary days, aftershocks, and the Rapture

Another earthquake post — the one I promised.

In an earlier post, I had mentioned that the Nepal earthquake of April 2015 did not have such a great impact on me than the aftershocks that followed it. Yes, I still think so.

The big one came and went; it was just a memory after five minutes. But hundreds of aftershocks followed it; and they were not just memories. Knowing that they had come today, yesterday, and the day before that; and knowing that they would probably continue on for a whole year made them more than just memories.

It wouldn’t be exactly true to say that aftershocks became a part of life. But it came close.

Sometimes one would come when I was studying at my desk, helping my brother with his schoolwork, or practicing the keyboard. Just a quick shudder, a leap in my pulse — and I would be awed to think that I had not been expecting it. Then another would follow the next day when I was cooking dinner. The water inside the water-filter would tremble again.

Sometimes, they were like the first one; our house would rock and tilt and lurch as if it were a village local bus, crossing the bumpy riverbed. Once, it was more like a jump. But most of the the time, the aftershocks would gently nudge our house — north to south.

You know, our brains are wired in a particular way: it expects the earth keep still. It’s as if our little understandings are saying subconsciously, “Everything can change, but the earth will remain the same.” But that’s not true. The earth can turn to liquid in a split second; and when it does, our brain is a little confused, having its theory disproven.

Once I woke up around 3 a.m. The mattress was sliding north and south, and I was sliding with it. I think it was a being-rocked-in-a-crib-like feeling. I was sleeping with my sisters, and they were woken up by the aftershock, too. We tried to rate the aftershock, amused to think that we had become “experienced” seismologists. We checked the news that morning; and, lo and behold, we had guessed right.

The last time a significant one came (5+ on the Richter scale), I was reading Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray. It was on a Saturday afternoon, and I was flopped on my brother’s bed, highlighting every other sentence in my ebook. When the windows began to clatter and everything jolted, my heart beat sped up. I was about to get up, but it stopped.

I resumed my reading . . . my mind wandered. The rapture — it will be like this.

“In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound . . . and we shall be changed . . .  For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God . . . Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.” (from 1 Cor. 15, 1 Thess. 4)

I know it will be at a time when I am not expecting it. He has said to us that He will come “at an hour when ye think not” (Luke 12:40). But I can be ready.

The rapture — perhaps, today might be the day. Are you ready? Are you saved? Is your lamp burning?

Sometime some ordinary day will come,
A busy day like this—filled to the brim
With ordinary tasks—perhaps so full
That we have little thought or care for Him.

And there will be no hint from silent skies,
No sign, no clash of cymbals, roll of drums;
And yet that ordinary day will be
The very day in which our Lord will come.
— Anonymous

Has life been hectic? Your schedule packed?

Life is busy. That is good. But sometimes I have so many things to do, I hardly know what to do first. Usually, I end up making a list and set about doing all those things.

Then, suddenly, I find myself so busy doing things that I forget to just live (allusion to Pollyanna). I am so busy — “serving the Lord” as we all like to put it — planning out the children’s Bible lessons for next week, printing out coloring pages for another person’s class, translating lessons for still another person’s class, organizing for the annual children’s program coming up soon, working out music specials for the upcoming Bible Conference, calling up people to work this all out. . . then my own schedule: completing the course work for school, music practice, reading books, keeping up with friends, printing out DIY bag tutorials for one friend, looking up crochet videos for another, microwavable gingerbread cookies for my mother, blogging (which often gets set aside) and on and on . . .

I don’t have much time left over . . . And what time I have left over, I tend to use up for myself, sometimes foolishly, wastefully.

And I get selfish. I begin thinking that nothing else matters as much as this schedule I have to accomplish or that nothing else is so important as completing the items in my to-do list.

---

“Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). When I forget to stand still, I forget to marvel. I forget to wonder. I forget to think right.

Being still. When was the last time you were still? We are like crazy little termites hurrying about as if the sky would fall if we didn’t keep ourselves occupied. Being still is perhaps the last thing we would think of if someone asked us what we’d like to do.

But simply getting up from my little corner and staring at the open sky does wonders. It just puts things in perspective. My little corner is not the whole world. There are other people besides me. And when I do stop to think, my mind slowly begins to realize once more how little I am. How insignificant. How tiny. I’m in this little corner. This little city. In this little country. There are so many other countries. Thousands of cities. Millions of people. Billions of people.

Look up at the sky today. God made it immeasurable for a purpose: to let you and me see how little we are. How insignificant. God doesn’t need me. Nor does He need you.

Yet He loved me. He loved you.

Your to-do list? Your schedule?

You can smile now.

When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? (Ps. 8:3-4)

Last day of 2014

2014 was a special year for me. I know every year has been, but this was especially special . . . up until this year, I guess.

I had so many new experiences; I learned so much; and I really grew. So many things changed this year — the place where I call home, the people I call my neighbors and friends, academics, and even myself. I made a countless mistakes, but I had the opportunity to learn and grow for them, too. . .

I have many thoughts, but few words to express them with. All I can say is that these verses have grown wondrously beautiful to me:

“For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself” (2 Timothy 2:11-13).

Especially the last verse.

Just this week, our family received a present of the music CD Count It All Joy. I have not had time to listen to all of the songs yet, but I want to include “The Father’s Love for Me” here. Older people might find my choice amusing, and it may seem a bit ironical (because I have more than three decades remaining to turn fifty) . . . but I love the words.

“The Father’s Love for Me”

How the years have gone by as a dream
But what are they to Thee, in the light of ETERNITY.
And though the times have changed, You have ALWAYS been the same
As I look back and see, Your faithfulness to me

In Your goodness and Your grace, I have always found Your strength
You have taught my heart to see, Thy wondrous will for me
And in the joys and tears, in life’s trials with its fears
You have caused my heart to sing, neath the shelter of Your wings

How the years have gone by as a dream
And what are they to me, in the light of Thy Majesty!
And soon Christ comes for me, in Thy presence EVER to be
Then FOREVER will I sing, of Thy wondrous for me
Then FOREVER will I sing! Of my Father’s love for me

— DJP I.F

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future! And I can rest in peace, because He has proved Himself faithful. . . Come, Lord Jesus!

Looking back on 12.13.14

I relished those delightful dates ever since I learned about them, one sunny homeschooling day with Saxon Math. But they are gone for the next century now. . .When I was younger, the years seemed to pass so slowly, and my birthdays were so far apart! But now, I wonder where the time went . . .

And, I  think we all tend to look back at the end of the year, at least, I do.

On January, I joined CollegePlus! It was all so new, scary, and confusing. I went through so much during the first 6 months — planning out my degree, scheduling tests to fit into my family’s schedule, testing out of Sociology and Psychology, whipping through four math courses in approximately four weeks of study, taking my first Straighterline courses, and on and on! It wasn’t easy, but I learned much from the new challenges I had to face.

After 6 months, I decided I had gotten the “hang of it.” I scheduled a hold for six months, and said goodbye to my coach. It was exciting! I was going to talk to her in January 2015. I was going to have 30 more credits by then (almost a Junior). Or so I thought — because we had planned it all out. What was God going to teach me? I started a new diary, too.

Immediately, I got stuck on Human Resource Management. I couldn’t test because of my family schedule. What should I do? I decided to leave it, took some Straighterline courses and bam! I became a Sophomore. I now understand why Sophomores are so-called. When I was a Freshman, I knew nothing. I had no experience. I was confused when people talked about “CbEs” and “PLAs.” Now, 30 credits later, I knew. But still, I didn’t know as much as I thought I did. That’s why I was a Sophomore, a “wise fool.”

Thus, I went along the journey. And there were obstacles. My siblings got ill. We had days of traveling (that turned into weeks). I just couldn’t concentrate sometimes. And unexpected things happened: because of the time scheduling, I could not take a CP course as planned; I got a notification that I had gotten a “coach transfer”; one week, we had almost 20 guests at our house (try not to imagine the mess). Then there were special programs to spur me on my way: Summer Bible Training, Ladies’ Annual Meeting, Baptism Programs, Missions Conference, and Winter Bible Training.

Now I’m nearly at the end. One month later, I will meet my new coach. I will have to tell her what I’ve accomplished during my coaching hold. It’s scary. It’s exciting, too.

So, I looked back over my diary, trying get an overall-view of the past six months. As I look back, I see where I’ve been victorious, where I’ve failed, and where I could’ve done better by trusting more, obeying more, walking closer with my Savior, being more productive. Yet, I know, through it all, whatever happened, HE WAS MY GUIDE. I couldn’t have done it without Him and His gentle guidance. I didn’t have a coach to check on me and look over my shoulder, but He was a Guide all the time. I am so glad.

When I was finishing up high school, I used to worry what I would do after 12th grade. Graduation seemed to me a dreaded doom, an unwelcome door of uncertainty that was soon to be opened for me. God’s Word had comforted me, and it still does. Psalm 48:14 is one of my favorite verses:

“For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death” (Ps 48:14).

Through the Fog

phamilynews.net

Fog. I wonder if there is any traveler who likes fog. Artists and poets might find something good in it, but I doubt that any pilgrim could appreciate it.

As for me, I hate fog — especially when we are traveling. The grayish-white cloak of monotony is wearisome: it shrouds the scenery with gloom and an all-encomassing despondency. It is a veil that conceals every mountain, tree, and rock. Even the edge of the road is barely perceptible, sometimes!

Some time ago, we were traveling through fog. It was not the thickest fog we had seen, nor was it nighttime. Still, the bleak surroundings seemed overwhelm me. I was tired — tired of the fog, tired of the tortuous roads, tired of traveling. My soul seemed to be as dreary as the fog outside the misted window-glass.

Then I remembered a song I’d learned years ago:

Why should I care if the sun doesn’t shine?
Jesus is mine, all of the time.
Why should I care if the storm clouds are low?
Jesus is with me I know.
He will never forsake me, I am under His wing,
Tho’ trials o’ertake me,
I will praise Him and sing.
I am ever so happy,
So why should I care if the sun doesn’t shine?
Jesus is mine all the time.

Then, the remembrance that Jesus is mine aroused me, invigorated me, and fired me with zeal for my Lord. . .

Or . . . that is what . . . should have happened, right?

Well. It didn’t. It was good to remember; but still, my heart was weary. I was still tired of staring at the fog. You see, simply knowing God’s truth isn’t enough for victory.

Until I decided that I was going to trust God that He was with me although I couldn’t see Him through all the weariness of my mind and obey Philippians 4:4 in spite of the fog, that song was just an ideality to wish for.

But when I did trust, He blessed. Sure, the fog was all around and the U-turns were as bad as ever, but I had the peace that passeth all understanding. Faith as a grain of mustard seed, and He accepted it.

“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6).

How amazing He is! And He is the ever-faithful one that always rewards even our feeblest footsteps to draw near to Him (James 4:4).

We climbed higher and higher up the mountain. Reaching the summit, we broke through the fog. Behind, I could see the impenetrable gloom. Ahead, the mountains and valleys were spread out in majestic grandeur. And I remembered the sweet promise in Isaiah 44:22:

“I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist.”

An unexpected turn

paradoxicator

Tuesday, August the fifth. The year 2014. All the clothes tightly rolled and shoved inside “jebra” bags, all the schoolbooks packed in sturdy boxes, all the indispensable cellphone and laptop rechargers safely (but rather unkindly) thrown into bags, all the dishes washed, the kitchen spick-and-span — we were all set to go! Tomorrow, we’d start on our trip to the mountains at 6AM!

Packing is always tiring, but the anticipation of returning to our beloved village-home spurred our tired hands and feet to further tasks.

“Baba? Let’s go! When are we going to Palung?” my little brother Sumpurna is ever the impatient one to start! Kicking up his heels and lying placidly on the couch, he is a big motivator, indeed — a good cheerleader, though not exactly a helper. But now, at last, the packing was all done.

Too bad my sister Upasana was feeling a bit unwell. But she would probably get over that fever overnight. . .

---

abcnewsradioonline.com

Wednesday, August the sixth. The year 2014. Morning dawned, we hit the road. Not all of us went, though. Only Baba and Upa went to the hospital. Examinations, prescriptions, and an order to rest — we resigned ourselves to a normal day, hoping to travel in several days. She had caught the circulating virus.

---

Thursday, August the seventh. The year 2014.Sumpurna got sick, too. A raging fever of 105, an 11-cm spleen (it should have been 4), tonsillitis, mouth sores, and what not. A praise: it was not malaria!

bobreyes.com

Some highlights:

My brother was assigned in a second story room. My father heard a beeping horn. Looking outside, he saw the pediatrician honking his motorcycle horn and waving at Sumpurna.

“Blowing the horn is not allowed in the hospital area. Isn’t it, Baba?” he said.

Another time, the pediatrician asked my brother who his best friend was.

“Didi,” he replied.

I approve.

---

Friday, August the eighth. The year 2014. Brother came home from the hospital — not sent — came. He still had the needle-whatchamacallit in his wrist, poor boy! He wanted me to post the pictures here, so here they are, for “all the world to see” (according to him).

---

Saturday, August the ninth. The year 2014. There was no way of going to the village 2 hours away for the church meeting, so Saturday was not really a Saturday that day. Watched youtube videos “How to Teach Your Child to Swim,” “Three Little Pigs,” “Little Red Riding Hood,” and the Berenstain Bears. I had to watch ever single one with him — content check, music check,  etc., etc.

---

Sunday, August the tenth. The year 2014. Upa is better. Sumpurna finished all 7 doses of his intravenous medicine this evening. Tomorrow, we are planning to go to Palung. This week was an unexpected bend for us all. But, our Father worked it all out according to His perfect plan that He had established before the foundations of the earth were laid!

The special verses God used to speak to me this week:

^“Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man. Through God we shall do valiantly: for he it is that shall tread down our enemies” (Ps. 60:11-12).

“From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I” (Ps. 61:2).

25 May 2014

25 May 2014

TIME . . . DAYS, HOURS, MINUTES, SECONDS

TIME . . . DAYS, WEEKS MONTH, YEARS

Time passes so quickly. I have to think to remember where it has gone. Many times I cannot remember.

I thought that 2014 was just coming in — but 5 months are almost gone already. We Christians will have to give account to our Master.

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad” (2 Corinthians 5:10).

So where have I succeeded today? Where have I failed?

Today, I woke up late. Too late for me to be able to post the time here. Therefore, I dreamt obnoxiously silly dreams and had to remind myself of Franklin’s “He who wakes late must trot all day” with regret. However, because of everyone’s cooperation and Christ-likeness, I did not get scolded.

There were other things, today, though. Right off in the morning, I was discouraged by all the work I had to do — I made a terrible list and stared at it. It didn’t seem too bad, then. It helped me realize that I wanted to do things that I didn’t need to do and didn’t want to things I needed to do.

I found these verses in the cross-referencing while reading Jeremiah 16:17 — Jer. 32:19, Job 34:21, Prov 5:21, 15:3. The LORD God sees me, nothing is hid from His eyes. I need to walk before Him today.

I also took time to read over Life Purpose Statement (which I worked on until it was too late yesterday).

“I believe that He “Who worketh all things after the counsel of His Own will” has authored my life purpose. Since He designed my life-plan, God Himself is the One to control it and reveal it to me. My whole pursuit of God’s pre-determined purpose for my life is the result of this belief — to walk where He has before-ordained for me. I am the Master’s handmaiden — called to serve Him in any way He leads me. It is my desire to use the gifts and talents He has given me to to reach children and Christian young people of Nepal and provide them the necessary guidance, direction, and training to serve God with their lives. God has led me and I know that He will lead me all the way. Without Him, I can do nothing. I am nothing. But in Him, I shall accomplish what He wills me to. I am His.”

But the best thing I loved today was Joshua chapter one — all the wonderful promises, all the encouraging commands.

^“7 Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper withersoever thou goest.

⁸ This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.

⁹ Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.“

If I knew how, I’d have colored the words in blue and green as I did in my Bible. I love the command “neither be thou dismayed” because I was dismayed and discourage at that time.

I think I just learned something when I wrote that last sentence. I’d been wondering about how a person could love God’s commands and rejoice in them as mentioned many times in Psalm 119. I could understand that I could love His promises, but His commands? Yes, His commands!!!

¹⁶ I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word.

(note: statutes ~ “law” in Nepali Bible and in Strongs: “statute, ordinance, limit, enactment, something prescribed”)

³⁵ Make me to go in the path of thy commandments; for therein do I delight.

⁴⁷ And I will delight myself in thy commandments, which I have loved.

⁴⁸ My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes.

Thus, in His strength I attempted to walk through the day. I know I have not attained. But I will strive.

Since it is getting somewhat late — Baba, Mommy, Sumpurna went on visitation. Upa and I stayed home. I translated 3.25 lessons of Ringu for coming Children’s Program and did the First assessment for PreCalculus (31%) and worked on completing 20 topics besides the daily cooking, cleaning, and blogging (from today on, I hope).

I enjoyed writing this post — though my eyes are somewhat disagreeing at the moment — because it was a good review for me, I learned from Psalm 119, and it was like a short study, too.

I think I have failed as yesterday in the matter of going “early to bed,” though. I will, now, right after my fexofenadine.

One ending highlight, though: I loved singing “How Great Thou Art” in harmony with my family tonight. Really and truly, He is great. I pride in nothing that I am — but in the God I am privileged to know and love and serve. Amen.