Ever gone riding on a whirlwind?

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Ah, where does time fly? Here I am, writing on the last day of August to meet my goal of posting once a month! Because I am in a time crunch, I’ve let this post get more informal (were my posts ever formal, anyway?) or more longwinded — you could say — more like me. *Ahem*

Well, I just want to share what God has been teaching me these days. Let me tell you, it hasn’t been very “fun” (but fun is a relative word, and we’re not placed in this world for the particular reason to have “fun”). 

You see, I have the habit of helping myself; and these past few months, God seems to have taken up the task to teach me that if He is to help me, I can’t have my own way of helping myself. I have to trust Him, go His way, and be content with whatever turn He wants to take at the cross roads. Of course, I know that His way is the best; but, still, I have that habit.

 I don’t know where I got that habit. Perhaps I got it through my years of being independent in — practically everything.

I was in control of my schooling. Deadlines? I set them. Exams? I graded them myself. Stuck on an essay? Too bad. Since you are an independent homeschooler, you’ve got to find out a way to do it yourself.

I taught myself to play the keyboard. Don’t know how to get that part right? Well, try it a ten times (more like 90 times) until it sounds right.

A tough responsibility? Keep on if you’re too proud to ask for help.

So . . . I am not saying this is a good habit. Not at all. 

Especially when I am in need help.

I’m the kind of person you can meet in the kitchen, and ask, “Need help?”

Answer-in-my-head: You may cook the whole meal, thank you. If I’m going to do the cooking, you can wash the dishes and sweep the floor.

Or the kind of person you meet in a housecleaning and you say, “Oooh, the house is messy.”

Answer-in-my-head: I would greatly appreciate it if you stop commenting on everything. If you want to help, take the clothes on floor and put them in the washing machine, but don’t touch these pillowcases I’m working on.

I’m sorry for being so blunt.

The truth is, I liked being independent and in control of everything. 

I tried that with college. (Small hint: Applying to a college and transferring in 72 credits from 5 different places might . . . present a little difficulty in the process).

My plan: Get enough credits to transfer. Order the transcripts. Choose the courses. Order the books. Start classes.

Um. No. 

Practically everything went wrong. Here is a 5-pointer glimpse of the chaos I was in.

1. I applied. Surprise, surprise. You are an international student, you need to take the TOEFL exam.

Queue: E-mails flying back and forth between me and my CP coach, me and the application office, me and my high school office.

1. I sent in my transcripts. Four credits didn’t transfer.

Queue: Dozens of e-mails hurled across the globe between me and my CP coach, me and the application office, me and my credit-awarding college.

1. So I need a couple more credits. I work with the sweat on my brow and get four more credits in 2 weeks. Pay some more money to get that transcript sent.
2. Transcripts flying back and forth. One gets stuck somewhere. “Look here, Miss. You should have done Western Civilizations 1. Why did you do Western Civilizations 2?”

Umm. Because that book got lost on the way from America to Nepal.

Queue: More e-mails shooting back and forth between . . . you know.

Now, may I start my college classes?

1. “Uh-huh. Look here, Miss. You didn’t order the main course book for PHSC 210. Why?”

Whaat? I had ordered my books way before I was supposed to. I looked in MBS direct, and —

“I thought so. You ordered your books way before you were supposed to. You see, the book was just hitting the press then.”

It was stressful, yes. However, I will not exchange that experience for any other in the world. 

I was trying to orchestrate my own life, and I meant to do that perfectly. God had other plans, though: He took me to ride on a whirlwind. When my perfectionist character tried to take over the controls, He put a little twist in it, and let me face the rock wall. Then, every time I felt that I’d reached a dead end, He came up with a beautiful way out. It was a breathtaking ride, a whirl of a ride.

Still, I am quite surprised when I think back . . . that I actually felt secure even when everything was whirling around at 857 km/hr. I felt secure because I knew that all that was happening was outside my control. It had nothing to do with me — I wasn’t guilty for all that mess. 

Even now, that Geology book hasn’t arrived yet. I don’t even know where it is. But because God is in control, I can rest . . . knowing that God is going to work if it is His will. If His will is otherwise, I’ll just fall behind in that class for a while, crash study, and have swollen eyes due to lack of sleep for a couple of weeks. Or He might have other plans. Whichever way, I’m content.

So here I end this amazingly rambling post. Reaching exactly, with these last words, a total of 962 words (I don’t know if the list numbers are counted — uh-oh, that makes a total of 973 words).

Has life been hectic? Your schedule packed?

Life is busy. That is good. But sometimes I have so many things to do, I hardly know what to do first. Usually, I end up making a list and set about doing all those things.

Then, suddenly, I find myself so busy doing things that I forget to just live (allusion to Pollyanna). I am so busy — “serving the Lord” as we all like to put it — planning out the children’s Bible lessons for next week, printing out coloring pages for another person’s class, translating lessons for still another person’s class, organizing for the annual children’s program coming up soon, working out music specials for the upcoming Bible Conference, calling up people to work this all out. . . then my own schedule: completing the course work for school, music practice, reading books, keeping up with friends, printing out DIY bag tutorials for one friend, looking up crochet videos for another, microwavable gingerbread cookies for my mother, blogging (which often gets set aside) and on and on . . .

I don’t have much time left over . . . And what time I have left over, I tend to use up for myself, sometimes foolishly, wastefully.

And I get selfish. I begin thinking that nothing else matters as much as this schedule I have to accomplish or that nothing else is so important as completing the items in my to-do list.

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“Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). When I forget to stand still, I forget to marvel. I forget to wonder. I forget to think right.

Being still. When was the last time you were still? We are like crazy little termites hurrying about as if the sky would fall if we didn’t keep ourselves occupied. Being still is perhaps the last thing we would think of if someone asked us what we’d like to do.

But simply getting up from my little corner and staring at the open sky does wonders. It just puts things in perspective. My little corner is not the whole world. There are other people besides me. And when I do stop to think, my mind slowly begins to realize once more how little I am. How insignificant. How tiny. I’m in this little corner. This little city. In this little country. There are so many other countries. Thousands of cities. Millions of people. Billions of people.

Look up at the sky today. God made it immeasurable for a purpose: to let you and me see how little we are. How insignificant. God doesn’t need me. Nor does He need you.

Yet He loved me. He loved you.

Your to-do list? Your schedule?

You can smile now.

When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? (Ps. 8:3-4)